Throwback Thursday Returns

Hey guys! Bet you didn’t expect to see a few flashback posts from me,  hmm? It’s been awhile and I scrounged up a few I figured I could share:

Sophomore year (I think?) we went to Outback in April to celebrate Buffy’s birthday. How fitting was that coaster? (And the fact that it’s April – FIVE YEARS LATER, now. What?!)

Andrew McMahon playing piano with his feet (like a boss.) This is from the Something Corporate Reunion Tour of 2010 at House of Blues Orlando. In SIXTEEN days I’ll hear that lovely voice once again.

2010 was a good year for concerts. That’s me and Lauren at the (FREE!) Weezer concert at the Civic Center. I GET TO GO VISIT HER IN CHICAGO IN A MONTH!

It shows up dark but I can’t tell you how filled up with light I am in this picture because my heart was probably about to explode. One of the first shots from study abroad in London. I was watching The Exotic Marigold Hotel last night and I got seriously heartsick for London.

Toga social sophomore year? Next week I get to frolic in Tennessee with this girl. Looooong awaited reunion. EEK!

This is from almost this time exactly, last year. (April 6th? which is Saturday haha.) It’s raining right now, but I can’t wait for pool days and sunshine.

Springtime Tallahassee is this weekend, and this photo is from a few years ago (ok more than a few like five.) AND I get to see this pretty girl (my big sister, Hailey) GET MARRIED at the end of May! ahhh

Okay that was a quick one, but obviously a few of these years have a lot in common with the next coming months for me: good concerts, great friends (reunions!), and fun in the sun with my great family! Looking forward to it. Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!

Fifteen Again.

The rain is really coming down right now. So much for my late night run, I’ll just save the energy for the morning, though I’m sure the downpour will still be happening. Funny though, I just got back from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was playing at the Student Life Cinema on campus, and Jamie was going so I figured why not? Of course the movie gave me about nintey million feelings, and there were so many things I wanted to tweet but I think it might be too much, so instead I’m here and you get an unusual late night post from me.

First of all, I shouldn’t be surprised in the slightest that the night commenced in rain soaked Converse. Apparently this is the week for the fifteen year old self in my heart to thrive, and that shoe choice in this weather makes the most sense. It seems I’ve got a thousand memories from a decade ago of my life swirling through my head right now.

The moment when Ezra Miller is standing on the front porch as everyone departs from the Christmas party? He screams out I love you while his friends walk to their cars? Each time this scene reminds me of every high school Drama party I ever left. They always said I love you and to drive safe. Each time I would leave, regardless of what other angst was charging through my heart, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, safe and comforted by the warmth of friendship. It was like a human security blanket being tossed over your shoulders. I always felt like, wow – these are my people. They care. (This memory always makes me think of the Jimmy Eat World song that goes “I fall asleep with my friends around me. The only place, I feel safe. I’m gonna call this home.”)

The last time I saw this movie in the theatre there were less than five others. I cried almost the whole time. I felt impossibly connected. It was like, hypnosis therapy and I was reliving events before my eyes. Except I was awake. And this was a fictional world. I left that theatre, albeit extremely happy about the movie – I thought I might explode with the insatiable desire to communicate face-to-face with another human being about all of it. This time was so different. Any movie at the SLC is interactive, and this was the same. The awws, the howls, the gasps, the applause – it changed the tone of things. Though, I didn’t sob this time, but I could still feel my eyes tear up.

And I still couldn’t help but feel each part of my life it makes me draw connections from.

As for the old 15 year old in my heart thing? This week, I listened to Something Corporate’s “Hurricane” in my room, thinking about life. Today I purchased a ticket to see The Postal Service. I watched Perks. Just typing this blog entry is characteristic of my fifteen year old self. Maybe typed out they don’t seem like much, but mentally the parallels feel enormous. I can’t help but think of monumental crushes. First real kisses. Mixed tapes. Endless numbers of days with friends. What it used to mean to hang out. Listening to music. Eating pizza. Doing absolutely nothing. Staring at the ceiling, talking about things felt tragically deep.

Some of it’s here, but it’s not all here because I’m not going to type all night. And I want to finish reading Ask the Passengers, and this rain will probably lull me to sleep soon.

November Nostalgia – Part Two

The thing is, that night (part one) doesn’t even feel like it was last year, the moments come to me in tidbits of flashbacks here and there. When I’m brushing my teeth, or reaching for a jacket from the closet, but they’re fleeting and none of the moments really stick. What I remember more closely, though it was five years ago now, is the November of the year I turned twenty. It’s what I thought about when I listened to Jack’s Mannequin on my way to work this week.

Three Guinness in and a broken hot-glue gun preventing me from my original plan of arts and crafts, along with Jack’s Mannequin (what else?) Pandora station streaming through the Roku box, leads me here…

It didn’t occur to me until about 3 o’clock this afternoon what it was the anniversary of. Well duh, you could pick plenty of dates from life and say it’s the anniversary of blahblahblah.

Veteran’s Day, sophomore year of college, Phi Tau had an ABC party. (ABC stands for Anything But Clothes.) Larry invited me to go with him. Leah and I were wandering the aisles of Walmart, playing dress up with hunting gear and admiring the oddly early display of Christmas decorations. We were walking to the parking lot when I got the message and didn’t know quite what to do, Leah was like umm obviously you should go this is gonna be the best! And it was. We made matching Transformer’s pillow case dresses. It was November so we wore black leggings. The party was at Chubby’s. Those were are old stomping grounds. It was an incredibly eventful and exciting evening. One of my favorite memories from college. She was right, it was the best. What I remember the most, is all the laughing. The cohesiveness of a tight-knit group of friends. Togetherness. And the dancing. I, Meghan, actually danced. (Well, if you can call it dancing…but hey.) Plenty of happenings that caught me totally off guard…happened. Confused but happy, which is basically a constant combination of emotion in your teenage years you know? You’re one or the other or both but rarely ever neither. We ran down the hill on the way home. It was freezing and none of us noticed, as we fought over who got to carry the trident to the Natty Light case king costume. Eventually we made it back after much chaos in the courtyard. I remember standing in the stairwell, I came across the boy I had the biggest crush on. The one who hadn’t gone that night because he had to study for a test. We chatted. He offered to give me a ride home. I could tell you the exact shade of the glow in his eyes that night, in this very moment. I didn’t go home, we had a giant sleepover and Larry broke his foot walking into the TV that night, and I harshly told him not to be a baby. How was I supposed to know he really hurt himself? The next day began like most of my favorite times in life. I love nothing more than awaking in a room surrounded by my best friends.

That was Monday.

About a lifetime passed between Monday and Friday. Friday was another party we made our way to. It was a rare occasion for all of my favorite people to be in the same place at once. Usually my girls were a bit more scattered. We were convinced it was our last night of fun together before Lizzi had new responsibilities, we hadn’t quite figured out what to make of yet. This only led us to believe this should be a full out night of celebration. And celebrate we did.

It was about a week before I left my teenage years. Twenty doesn’t have a lot of jazz to it because you’re still remarkably far away from twenty-one, but you’re starting to sound old, and you lose the right to blame things on being a teenager (whether or not you ever did.) I made a certain wish back then, and to my surprise that wish was granted. It’s the only wish I remember making that actually came true. This is saying a lot because if you tallied all of my blown candle, penny in a fountain, 11:11, superstitious, eyes-closed tight, more like a prayer wishes over the years they were probably in the hundreds. While I was on top of the world at the time, over the moon ecstatic at this mounting potential of a turn in things, it only made the impact of the crash to reality harder. It was simultaneously the best and worst birthday present ever, (though it happened weeks before my birthday.) It seemed like a secret gift the universe bestowed to me, and that I relished its greatness in silence on the inside for days. I could still rattle off every detail of those moments. The Hollister hooded jacket with fur trim, Mandy let me borrow while we got ready last night. The necklace I was wearing my parents had given me as a birthday present for my 18th birthday. How my hair was straighter and softer than it ever is in regular life. Us convincing Tiffany she wasn’t too old to hang out with us at this party, and it was going to be the most fun ever. I could tell you about the spray paint, or wandering around the back deck. I could tell you about running into an older girl I always admired for her elegance and grace. The way she made you feel special in a three minute conversation. I could tell you about the point my life transitioned to a slow-motion clock when that wish came true. The seconds just ticked by at a screeching halt as if the universe was begging me to absorb every bit of the moment. I could tell you about the fight that broke out behind us, or the nosey girl who interrupted, or the ruckus in the bushes, and the sound of one of my girl friend’s cell phone’s shattering into pieces as it hit the sidewalk. I could tell you of the intense stare and the way I probably couldn’t have uttered my name in those seconds. But all of that chaos didn’t really affect my freeze-frame moment of time. It’s kind of like a world within a world, and this is why I’m convinced that for a split second the universe came to a halt. How else could I explain the pause button on life?

It doesn’t take a genius to know that some of the worst pain comes when we break our own hearts. The let down I experienced came from a fall I set myself up for, and can’t be blamed on someone else. It all depends on the way you spin it. You can look at it from this dark angle where all my wishes forever, (drama queen much?) are cursed and better left unmade, or see the opportunity this situation provided. Most of the time, if I interrogate myself I wonder if given the choice, would I make this same wish again, knowing the outcome? I don’t know the answer to that, but it’s probably better for me not to mess with fate.

What I’ll tell you is this, some moments in life are fleeting and disappear fast, before we even register them on our radar. But, what we’re left with (and don’t tell me that I’ve dramatized these memories because I can tell you that I already recognize the pros and cons, they’re lists I’ve made dozens of times) is a lesson to be learned. Maybe I didn’t get to hold onto these wishes come true. At the time they gave me the confidence to step out on a limb I might not have done so without them. That limb might have been shaky, and whether or not that was a positive or negative decision is negotiable, BUT I don’t have to wonder. Another version of me, wouldn’t have ventured on the limb and I’d be sitting here five years later wondering what if? And now I know. Now, I know what kind of moments are capable of existing. We shouldn’t live lives void of passion, I can tell you that. People I’ve encountered along the years think I’m foolish that such emotions aren’t accessible, that it’s silly to expect to feel those butterflies down the line, that anyone could ignite such a flurry of emotion. Well, they’re wrong. And we’re selling ourselves short when we agree to settle for anything less.

So, maybe I caused myself some tears. Maybe I still have the ability to get all upset over it if I get too nostalgic and philosophical later, but on a really deep level I’m thankful for all of the experiences. I never want to be disconnected from the ability to feel things on a real and raw level. The kind that lets you know you’re perfectly alive for all it’s worth in the good and the not so good. I have these moments, and some similar to thank for reminding myself what I want out of life at times. Sometimes, we wander too far down a road and get confused. Sometimes these moments come to me in dreams and I’m reminded of the intensity of great things in life and not to comprise and take the mundane because it’s there. Leah and I just had a good reminiscent moment texting about these days, and I’m not the only one who recognized the beauty of the times of our lives when we were dizzy with the promise of potential.

November Nostalgia – Part One

It’s November, and Novembers are always hard. The emotional roller coaster I take myself on during this month each year of my life is just out of control. I always have a love/hate relationship with my birth month. I put so much internal pressure on myself, magnifying all the details of my life, expecting to make some kind of miraculous changes that will make where I am in life at this time, alright. It doesn’t matter if the month before I was perfectly fine with the way things were. Yeah, yeah I’m a little crazy sometimes, did you not notice that yet? I’ve gotten better about this over time. I don’t even know what city I’ll be in on my birthday this year, but that doesn’t matter. Last year, even though I wasn’t really up to it, (I got a speeding ticket driving back to my hometown the night before and was a little bitter about it, you could say) I went and hung out at a local bar in town where everyone kind of has a mini-reunion the night before Thanksgiving. It’s kind of like this weird conglomeration of all the stages of life in one evening. So many people. I could see across the room a boy I’d written pages upon pages of letters to years before. He got married a long time ago, and most of the time I secretly wish all those letters got thrown away soon after they were read. If they were read. Two of my guy friends unexpectedly lifted me up on their shoulders and broke out into a crowd sing-along of happy birthday, which made my cheeks feel like they were on fire but I love them for anyways. Flirtatious conversations ensued by the pinball machine, but I’m not eighteen anymore, and these fleeting moments don’t really hold much weight. I took bathroom breaks with a girl I’d been friends with since seventh grade, where she told me stories about someone she’d rather not see there (and of course filled me on her perfect fit jeans and lip gloss that was a must buy.) She bought me a drink and we wandered around until I found one of my best friends. Elated to see him but an uncertain emptiness still lingering in the pit of my stomach. The kind that comes when you know you’re on the verge of making bad decisions, but convince yourself your old enough to know better why complicate things anymore than they already are. Practicing teaching myself to just say no when people tried to drag me to an after party I knew I’d get stuck at and be wide awake at four am wishing I were in my own bed. It’s probably one of the more adult decisions I’d made in a long time, as pathetic as that sounds, consciously avoiding time old ridiculous disaster. I thought I’d spend time with an old friend I thought things were patched over with, but she’s notoriously flaky and unreliable and no such meeting occurred. A boy I used to pine over kept putting himself in my path all evening, chatting like we were old friends, discussing a break up, complete awkwardness as set-in as I ran out of responses to this unusual conversation. It was like all the dead end adventures of my life decided to come back and  haunt me. Of course all my friends disappeared, and I’m sitting at a high top table with my little brother and his friends who are planning their next move of the night. After a brief run in with another old ghost, and an unsettling conversation I knew it was time to call it a night. So, that was how my twenty-fourth year kicked off. It wasn’t really a bad start, it just took me off guard at the time.

Throwback Thursday: Some School Days Photos

Hello, hello! Hope everyone had a good Halloween! I can’t believe it’s already Thursday. Actually, when I was brushing my teeth this morning, I couldn’t remember what day it was and had to ask my roommate. The temperatures have been unusually cooler lately, and I was having trouble dragging myself out of my warm cozy bed this morning. (A morning run didn’t happen, so it’ll be awaiting me after work.) Somehow it’s already Throwback Thursday again. If you’re bored with photos, go check out my Throwback song of the day on Meg Says. If you’re not, read on! I’m running a little low on super-throwback photos, so I’ve just got a couple random ones for y’all from old school days today. Maybe the next time I’m at my parent’s place I’ll be able to scan some more! (Isn’t it crazy to think about the majority of these being taken with a disposable camera?)

eager beaver pre-school field day, water balloon toss.

Mrs.Klein’s Kindergarten class photo at Inverness Primary School (circa 93-94.) That’s me second from the left front row in a sweet Lion King shirt 😉
Arts and crafts time – first grade, being reindeer.
Camp Harmony in middle school. (yeah, that’s me at the front – told you i wasn’t lying about bang disasters.) Too bad work life doesn’t work like that, where you get sent off to camp during the week and go do rope courses and team building/leadership activities, play four square, make stuff, and have giant movie nights and hang out on porches braiding hair.
8th grade dance with stesha and leslie. my eyes being half closed in photos is a common occurrence.
random shot from driver’s ed, those were some fun days.
hanging out with jed at the bowling alley for jen’s birthday in tenth grade.
Carnival arrest playing a set at a battle of the bands.

Happy Birthday, Friend!

It is definitely a season of birthdays. Yesterday marked one of my oldest friend’s 25th. Charlie and I met at Sunday School of First Baptist Church when we were just in pre-school. We grew up together and eventually we moved to a neighborhood down the street. Somewhere along the way a core group of four of us who’d been friends since kindergarten coined ourselves as the pirate club, and it stuck. Too many days to count were spent hanging out at his house, exploring in the backyard, going on canoeing adventures, night time golf cart rides, climbing trees – all the good stuff. We’d play ping-pong (well, the guys liked to play death pong and I would just photograph those moments, ha.) We’d head over to Ocala to wander around, eat at Moe’s and hang out doing nothing. We watched a katrillion basketball games together. Night swims til we were all shriveled up, or the guys would practice with their scuba gear which was always a laugh. He let me watch Degrassi on his big screen TV and would sometimes pretend to be interested to humor me. There are plenty of things we don’t see eye to eye on – everything from politics to our favorite college football teams, which allowed room for plenty of heated “discussions,” – still our friendship thrived nonetheless. This guy was always on the ready for a spontaneous adventure, no matter the day or time. And a lot of times I got to select the soundtrack for these outings. The memories aren’t full of just good times, but the harder moments of life that you don’t see coming either.  Those are some of the standout memories I have, the rough days when we’re reminded just how short life really is. The deep conversations about life, and growing up, the future. After several years of being spread out over states during college, and some of post-college life, the entire pirate crew is back in Florida again. Charlie lives in Tampa with his wife now, so it’s nice that we’re all in the same state again even if we’re overdue for a reunion. Here’s to the start of a wonderful year for a wonderful friend!

And for fun, here are a few photos from over the years!
Twenty years ago, the first day of kindergarten!
Playground fun in high school.
A kindergarten reunion at a bonfire, with Paul!

Graduation!
Pirates for life! (summer before going away to college.)
Pirates reunited in North Carolina at Charlie and Mia’s engagement party!
Giving us a campus tour of Wake Forrest (senior year.)

Throwback Thursday: A Few Family Shots from an Old DC Trip

These were taken a few years ago, but it feels a lot longer than that! i was looking through my facebook albums and feeling a little nostalgic for a dc visit so i figured i’d share a few photos from a family trip my junior year of college. the album titles crack me up, and i only remember some of the references. (“We need nicholas cage for this” – pretty sure that was a quote from a museum day. “you have to be willing to get happy about nothing” – andy warhol. “kind of like a reflecting puddle” because the pool was basically dry. “girl you look just like britney spears, are you britney spears?” what a passerby exclaimed to me. “got so excited about the dinosaurs – i got hiccups. true life event at the museum of natural history.) it was a good family time full of museum hopping, yummy food, basketball, seeing old friends, shopping and just enjoying each other’s company. one night we hung out at the mall for a few hours, just taking photos and laughing. now those are some good memories!
We had just discovered tweeting. This is a sad technology picture.
My best friend!

basketball game!
E with this “free Jack” (24) sign. hahaha!

a little dry…
TREX!
I don’t have any answers for why I’m standing over there like a weirdo…
so random and awesome!

I see the moon and the moon sees me!